The Cheeky Girls

The Cheeky Girls, here pictured with Zoe French, are Romania’s best-known funsters, one of whom has conquered the heart of a Member of Parliament. It is unknown how cheeky he is, or whether his cheekiness is left wing or right wing.

Willow Nash

Willow Nash trained at East 15 Acting School and has performed in productions as diverse as Blythe Spirit, Romeo and Juliet and An Inspector Calls. She is a highly skilled horse rider, which must be useful if she is late for a rehearsal and happens to come across a mighty steed around the M25.

Chris Sloman & Jay Simon

Character actor Chris Sloman, left, lives on a South coast resort renowned for its’ pebbles, no Stone Age Man himself, he can turn his hand to most things and is certainly ready to douse the flames any time he’s asked.

Jay Simon (right) is a versatile actor, impressionist and performer, equally adroit at voiceovers, comedy and drama. He has worked for BBC, performed many amusing comic routines and done children’s television. He is the voice of the thong in one of our sketches, speaking, we understand, from personal experience.

Carina Reeves, Violeta Ostrovsky & Kerrie Faiclough

Bubbly Carina Reeves, left, trained at the Italia Conti School of Drama and has, amongst other roles, played the Artful Dodger, in an adaptation of Dickens’ classic. In all truth, you don’t have to check your change when Carina is around, she’s as honest as they come. She’s so good, in fact, she couldn’t take a part in a remake of the 70’s blockbuster, Earthquake, because she has no faults.

Violeta Ostrovsky, centre – or center if you emanate from the US of A – fitted the role so perfectly in our football scene, she has spent the last six months dribbling around Hyde Park.

Highly talented Kerrie Faiclough, right, studied at Mountview Academy of Theatre Arts and has played Juliet in Shakespeare’s R & J. Her notable performance as a neighbour from hell in U Kno Wot I Mean? could lead to great things, but on the property front, she has not, as yet, moved next door to fellow star, Derek Laud.

Steve Cook

Steve Cook has played a number of roles in both short & feature films, including one made for the Prince’s Trust. It is unknown whether Camilla thanked him in person, or left it to the butler.

Zoe French

Tall, glamourous, Zoe French, famed for her hour long soliloquy’s on cult quiz show, Bikini Beach, is a talented presenter, actress and model, who has also appeared on the Extreme Sports Channel. She could be a 21st Century version of Cilla Black – mind you, Cilla might have something to say about that.

Melissa White

5’ 11” actress and model Melissa White, currently living South of the River Thames, is certainly someone to look up to, especially when she is participating in one of her favourite sports, sky diving.

Kirsty Duffy

Beautiful Kirsty Duffy became well-known as a presenter of Quizmania, she also won reality tv show Cruel Winter for Trouble. Originally from Yorkshire, Kirsty trained as a dancer and singer, but don’t get too touchy feely with her, she’s ace at taekwando and other martial arts. A matter of “look but don’t touch” whereas with the slightly less attractive producers of U Kno Wot I Mean? it’s more a case of “touch but don’t look”.

Alan J Mirren

Alan J Mirren Our “castaway” is a versatile actor who has performed in a number of Shakespearian dramas (are there any which aren’t dramatic!) 6’3” tall, he is an imposing presence in any production.

Lloyd Morris

Lloyd Morris is an actor, musician and director of music, he’s played a victim in the BBC’s Crimewatch, a gangster in one film and a terror hostage in another. Whenever there’s a crimewave, Lloyd’s on hand to help!

Suzie Verrico

Suzie Verrico, found fame as “golden housemate” in Big Brother 7.She has also starred in a steamy video for Finnish goth rockers H.I.M. and works as an actress, model and radio presenter. It is thought, sizzling scenes she filmed for U Kno Wot I Mean? are partially responsible for global warming.

Michal Matityahu

Michal Matityahu, Director, is a talented Israeli actress and film maker. Ruling the roost with a rod of iron, she brings the best out of performers, technicians and crew – although unlike fellow compatriot Uri Geller, she hasn’t mastered the art of bending the rods of iron she rules with.

Christian Jenner

Christian Jenner is such a talented actor, he can also perform other species, he did whilst starring as Templeton the Rat in Charlottes Web. Sadly, he did not discover penicillin (that was Edward Jenner).

Naomi Mayo & Derek Laud

Naomi Mayo is a talented character actress, very much at home in our Love Thy Neighbour spoof. She really would be the perfect neighbour: elegant, refined, convivial; and you can be assured, any sugar you borrowed from her would be organic.

Derek Laud, something of a dandy, is always immaculately dressed, his sketch was performed with accomplishment and panache. A former speechwriter for senior Conservative figures, he became extremely well known as a participant in Big Brother. An expert lobbyist, he is more at home in Central London rather than Willesden Green, where the sketch was set.

Jamie Markham

Pretty, elegant, Jamie Markham, is an actress who has performed many roles from the profound to the ridiculous. Always concise and lucid – right up until the point the pubs open.

Michael Desmond

Executive Producer & Writer Michael Desmond, is a Labour councillor in Hackney, head of Airedale tv and co-ordinator of House the Homeless, a scheme that helps vulnerable families in London.

Robert Cawsey

Robert Cawsey attended Guildhall School of Music & Drama, film credits include A Day at the Beach and Starter for Ten, tv work includes, Casualty, The Bill and Border Café. Although not exactly a dead ringer for Dustin Hoffman, in our sketch Robert replicates an iconic scene from The Graduate. After this performance, maybe he’ll graduate from Clapton, North East London, where he now lives, to Hollywood.

Ny (Jahniah Bryan)

Ny lives in Stoke Newington and has performed and improvised in an inner city scheme. In our sketch, she Bends it like Beckham; no improvisation required there, then.

Julie Schema
Julie Schema lives in North London, whilst not a professional actress, she is a professional French woman, self-evidently from the sketch she’s in.